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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27416047">Matt Walsh is a Loser</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Written_prose_things/pseuds/Written_prose_things'>Written_prose_things</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Teen Wolf (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Actor Derek Hale, Actor Stiles Stilinski, Alternate Universe - Actors, Graham Norton Show - Freeform, M/M, Meet-Cute, this isn't RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 23:01:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,695</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27416047</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Written_prose_things/pseuds/Written_prose_things</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles faces a few challenges while doing his first solo-interview while promoting his film. But it doesn't really matter when he gets asked out by  Derek Hale.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>114</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Matt Walsh is a Loser</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Stiles gulps as the lights on the set go up and Graham Norton’s voice booms across the room. <br/>This is it. His first press junket on the other side of the pond. He’ll be fine. </p><p>Stiles stresses to himself,<em> he’s going to be just fine </em>. </p><p>The greenroom is sparsely decorated and empty. Maybe the guests don’t assemble here before going on the set. He walks around the room, staring through the gap in the door,  at the stage-hands and set-managers bustling about in the hallway. </p><p>He tries going over the points that Lydia’s given him. </p><p>
  <em> Don’t down your drink in one go, don’t dap anyone up, you aren’t a gangster and this isn’t L.A., don’t insult anyone, this might look like a friend’s hangout but it isn’t, don’t talk over the other person, in fact, try talking as little as possible.  </em>
</p><p>Stiles sighs and settles onto the only sofa in the room. The advice isn’t helping him calm down. He’s just hoping he doesn’t throw up on Graham. </p><p>A small woman sticks her head in just as he’s about to spiral, “Where’s the other lad?”</p><p>Stiles looks at her with wide eyes, “Who?”</p><p>The lady kisses her teeth, shakes her head and walks out just as quickly. Stiles wonders who the other person could be. </p><p>He’s sure Lydia must have told him, but at this point, he can barely remember his own name right now.<br/>Then, there’s a flurry of activity. Five people move in and out of the room quickly, like someone’s going to pop up in the room like the five seconds they look away.</p><p><br/>Stiles notices the only American voice in the group quickly. It’s a girl, who sounds equally frustrated and scared. </p><p>“Yeah, I’m calling Derek right now. Get the other guy on there before him, and make sure- Yeah, Derek? Where the fuck are you?! I need...”</p><p>The girl’s voice fades away. It takes Stiles a moment to realise that he is the other guy. He’s going on early now. </p><p> </p><p>Oh shit. </p><p>The same lady from before walks in, “Alright, we’ve bumped you up to the first guest, so you’ll be going up in about 5 minutes.”</p><p>Stiles gulps and just nods. He doesn’t trust his mouth to not vomit. </p><p>The lady nods and continues, “We’ll let you know when you’re supposed to-”</p><p>There’s some chaos in the hallway and <em> Derek Hale </em>from Dr. Heathcliffe walks into the room, hands stuffed in his designer jacket like he’s walked out of a magazine. </p><p>Now Stiles feels sick for an entirely different reason. </p><p>Derek Hale smiles at the woman, “Sorry I’m late. I got stuck in traffic.” His accent is the cutest mix between a regular Cali accent and whatever’s rubbed off on him in London. </p><p>Stiles’ mind quickly slides into the gutter when he thinks of <em>rubbing off </em>and Derek Hale in the same sentence. </p><p> </p><p>It takes him a moment to raise that someone’s talking to him. </p><p>“Huh?”<br/>Stiles almost smacks himself. Huh? That’s just noise? Why is he making noises at Derek Hale?!</p><p>The actor doesn’t seem to irritated, though. He smiles softly and shakes his head, “Sorry, I was just saying, congratulations on the Teen Choice Award.”</p><p>Stiles laughs awkwardly at the sarcasm. He hadn’t expected Derek Hale to be a jerk. </p><p>“Eh, you know how it is. I needed the stupid thing to promote that kid’s film I did.”</p><p> </p><p>Stiles feels like a jerk for saying it, but if he plays it off enough, maybe Derek Hale won’t realise that he’s hurt by the sarcasm. </p><p>Derek frowns and the lady returns once again to call him. </p><p>He gives his two cents before leaving the room, “You know, my cousin voted relentlessly so that you could win that stupid award.”</p><p>Stiles gets up, ready to correct the man. But what’s he going to say? Sorry, I thought you were joking? <br/>It’s not like Derek’s even waited for his reply. </p><p> </p><p>Stiles sits down again, somehow, feeling much worse than he had been feeling when he had first entered the green room. </p><p>Lydia enters the room a moment later. She walks up to him and fixes his collar. </p><p>“You didn’t tell me Derek Hale was going to be here, right?”</p><p>She shrugs, “You panicked a lot less than what you would have had you known he was coming.”</p><p>Stiles shakes his head, “If I embarrass myself in front of him, I’m killing you.”</p><p>She smiles, “I’ll be right here.”</p><p>Stiles smiles at her. Her next words make his smile slip. </p><p>“Just to go over everything we’ve discussed-”</p><p>Stiles shakes his head, “Yeah, yeah. Don’t a rude shithead.”</p><p>She nods, “Also, please don’t tell them about things they aren’t interested in.”</p><p>Stiles furrows his eyebrows, “How should I know they won’t be interested in something?”</p><p>Lydia pins him with a withering look, “Anything that isn’t about the movie or you, is something they aren’t interested in.”</p><p>Stiles nods, “Right, right. That makes all the sense in the world. Thanks for dumping this new rule on me suddenly.”</p><p>Lydia just rolls her eyes, “It wouldn’t have been a new rule if you regularly spoke to me about your media image. Now, I’m going to the front, I’ll be right there if you need me.”</p><p> </p><p>With that she walks out of the room, behind her retreating figure, the managing lady shows up again.</p><p>“You ready?”</p><p>Stiles can’t do anything but nod. He walks towards the door with legs which feel as heavy as lead. </p><p> </p><p>oOo</p><p>It feels like a second between Graham’s introduction and him taking his seat. Hopefully, he hasn’t kissed either of them on the mouth. </p><p>The light glaring onto them is too strong for him too look for Lydia in the crowd and seek support. </p><p> </p><p>“So you, it’s your first time on the show, isn’t it Stiles?” Graham asks in his usual bubbly way.</p><p>Stiles nods, “Yeah, it’s my first time in the UK.”</p><p>Graham’s eyes light up, “Ohh, that’s interesting. I’m sure it must be interesting to meet, you know, a fellow American” he waves his hand towards Derek Hale, “here. I’m sure that must make you more comfortable.”</p><p>Stiles smiles politely, “Yeah, it’s a good break from all the accents I don’t understand.”</p><p>The audience titters in prompted laughter as Gharam smiles, “Ahh, another American victim of the British culture.”</p><p>When the laughter dies down, Graham turns his attention once again to Derek, “ Speaking of British culture, you were seen doing a pub crawl with your colleagues from the show.”</p><p>The audience hooks and claps as soon as the show is mentioned and Stiles doesn’t believe that the enthusiasm this time is faked. Dr. Heathcliffe is a great show after all.<br/><br/>Derek nods, “Yeah.” <br/>And that’s it. </p><p>Graham then prompts him with a questioning eyebrow-raise. </p><p>Derek replies, as though getting every other word out is causing him physical pain, “-Because of the nonstop shooting that we’ve been doing for the past two years or so, I haven’t had the time to wander around the country at all. So, I just went out with everyone after the shooting got over.”</p><p>Graham nods, “Yes, of course. I’m sure the pubs must have been great spots to learn our culture from.”</p><p>The audience laughs against at the second cycle of the joke and Derek smiles politely. </p><p>Then, Graham turns his attention to Stiles again, “But you, you haven’t wasted any time, have you?”</p><p>Stiles smiles politely as Graham continues, “You were seen, also, running about the city today.”</p><p>Stiles smiles, “Don’t you mean <em> yesterday, </em> Graham?”</p><p> </p><p>The audience starting hooting and laughing loudly and Graham huffs, “First time! I’ll have everyone know,” he waits until the crowd is quiet, “I’ll have everyone know, that this is the first time that I’ve messed up the dates  on the show.” The audience erupts again but Graham talks over them, “But… what trouble did you get into?”</p><p>Stiles takes a deep breath. The voice in his head, that’s beginning to sound a lot like Lydia says, <em> talk about you and the film, you and the film, you and the film </em>…</p><p>But, Stiles reasons with himself, where he went out has something to do with him, right?</p><p>“Yeah, I had a great time in London yesterday, you know? So, I’ve always been interested in the polity of Britain, so I took some time out and went to Westminster.”</p><p>In the short silence that follows, Stiles quickly adds, “...oh my god, I didn’t break in! There was a tour guide and everything.” Everyone in the audience laughs. </p><p> </p><p>Oh, shit, who knew? He’s connecting with European people. Derek Hale, watch out, a better actor’s coming to take your place as the token American. </p><p> </p><p>“Right, it was so amazing. Did you know how your parliament works?” </p><p>Graham shrugs, “Your guess is as good as mine.”</p><p>Stiles knows he shouldn’t do this, but he just can’t help it, “Actually, my guess is far better than yours.”</p><p>Graham just rolls his eyes and Stiles hopes he hasn’t offended the man, “Yeah so, Britain’s lack of a constitution is hilarious.”</p><p>He turns to look at Derek unconsciously, “There are like 5 types of laws: constitutional, common, works of authority and conventions. So, no book exists and then it’s always discussions about everything in terms of like, will the old law stay or the new one come in? Also! Oh my god, have you ever watched their parliament on live T.V.?”</p><p>When Derek shakes his head, Stiles continues, “ So you know, the people have seats in the Congress and Senate? Yeah well, they don’t here! You have to leave your prayer card,” at Derek’s inquisitive look, Stiles shrugs, “Yeah, don’t ask me, but they leave their prayer card in the cardholder in front of the seat they want. It’s so cool. And speaking of, the election system here, it’s like so very different?” </p><p>Derek nods and smiles, as Stiles continues, “To the electoral college, we have in America? Of which, I found notes in the London Museum. Like some founding father had sent a letter to friends here or something-?”</p><p> </p><p>Stiles feels someone tap on his back and he shoves the person’s hand away, “Yeah, one moment, bro.”</p><p>And then it dawns on him, he’s on a fucking live show. A streamed live show, but a live show still. He’s fucked up. </p><p>He turns around slowly to see Lydia’s unamused face. </p><p> </p><p>“What had I said?”</p><p>Stiles simpers, “No extra talk.” </p><p>Lydia bends down to his level, “So will you do that now?”</p><p>Stiles nods, “Yeah, sorry.”</p><p>When he turns back, the host smiles at him, “You’re going to go big places in the business, I’m sure.”</p><p>What Stiles is sure of, is that Graham’s just being nice. </p><p> </p><p>The lady he had heard in the hallway before is standing next to Derek, mumbling away at him as she fixes his shirt and straightens his pocket square, “-Why don’t you act more like this kid, huh? Look at him! He’s talking out of his ass, but he’s still talking more than you!”</p><p>Stiles scoffs incredulously, so she laughs and rolls her eyes, “Sorry kid.” </p><p>Stiles rolls his eyes but Derek tries to comfort him, “Hey man, don’t worry. You’re chill. It’s okay, you’re not in trouble.”</p><p> </p><p>A moment later, the cameras start rolling again and Graham goes over the question with him once again. Stiles tries to give some stupid simple answer and hopes that they don’t get irritated again. </p><p>Then Graham goes on to ask Derek about the new season of his show. </p><p>Stiles realises he’s zoned out when the audience erupts in cheers and whistles again. He looks up to see both Derek and Graham on their feet. </p><p> </p><p>And the musical guest, Matt Walsh, walks in. </p><p>Fucking Matt Walsh. Stiles takes a deep breath, looks like Lydia lied about more than one guest today. </p><p>The voice inside his head, supplies helpfully that this is one of the things that Lydia considers omission and not lying. </p><p>As Matt shakes hands with Graham, Stiles’ knees go weak. He doesn’t know what he’s going to say to this man. </p><p>He hopes his hands aren’t as clammy as he thinks they are. </p><p>When everyone finally settles down again, Graham talks to Matt about the new album. Stiles makes a point to keep staring at the table in the middle of the set. He’s sure that if he lets his eyes wander, he’s going to stare at Matt like a creepy stalker fanboy. </p><p> </p><p>Graham turns the line of questioning to him quickly, “Stiles, we have these amazing photos of you and your high school friend at Matt Walsh’s first concert in California.”</p><p>The monitor in front of them starts showing photos of him and Lydia wearing glitter and gaudy make-up with feather boas and a big sign saying “KISS ME MATTY”. </p><p>Stiles sighs. </p><p>Graham smiles, “Do you want to say anything to your idol then?”</p><p>Matt quips, “Just don’t ask me to kiss you. My fiance’s going to be very mad.”</p><p> </p><p>Stiles laughs and suddenly an idea strikes him. He already knows that Lydia’s going to kill him for this, but he can’t not say anything. </p><p>Especially after having spent years in his dorm with Lydia, bemoaning the fact that they didn’t get the singles they wanted. </p><p>He smiles at Matt, “Why didn’t you make Tide Over a single in the second album?”</p><p>Matt smiles, “Oh, you’re an actual fan, then?”</p><p>Stiles points at the monitor, which is still showing his old photos, “Yes!!”</p><p>Graham butts in, “Just for people who don’t know this, Tide Over is one of your songs which you’ve never actually released, right?”</p><p>Matt just nods, not offering any explanation, so Stiles tries again, “...and will you please release the studio version?”</p><p>Matt shrugs, “I don’t know yet.”</p><p>Stiles groans and mimics a crying face, “Please...”</p><p>The audience laughs at his theatrics. Graham segues into the new tours that Matt has planned and if he’s going to drop some new songs again. Then Matt goes onto the stage and performs his new single. </p><p> </p><p>Stiles smiles politely and claps when the performance ends and Matt leaves the stage. The rest of the interview goes off a little more smoothly. They don’t quit rolling in between to tell him off, at least. So that’s got to count for something. </p><p>When they break before the red chair gimmick, Stiles walks into the bad of the set, towards the food table that Lydia had promised him. </p><p>As he turns out of the narrow hallway, he hears Matt laughing with a few people, “Yeesh, these Americans are fucking crazy. Did you see how the gay kid lost it? And these people wonder why I don’t go to America for tours!”</p><p>The people around him start laughing again. </p><p>Stiles’ blood rushes to his head. He can’t hear anything other than their laughter. He turns right around. Fuck the food, he’ll chill in his room away from this guy. </p><p>But his life hasn’t ever been easy like that. When he turns around, he smacks into a whole wall of muscle. </p><p>Derek Hale’s arms brace him when he bounces away and almost falls to the floor. Derek whispers to him, “Let’s get out of here.”</p><p> </p><p>Derek uses his hands, which are stilling holding onto Stiles, to walk him to the other end of the hallway towards the guests dressing rooms.<br/>Instead of pulling him into the room, Derek sticks his head in and asks the lady who had been ushering them, “Hey Angela, can you pass me the bag there?” </p><p>He walks out of the room, still dragging Stiles by his hands to his room. Inside, the girl with the Californian accent is sitting on a couch. </p><p>Derek waves a hand at her, “That’s Cora.”</p><p>Stiles gulps, “Hey.”</p><p>She nods back at him. </p><p>Derek gestures him to sit in the makeup chair and opens the bag to take out burgers and fries. Stiles’ mouth waters. But he hesitates, “Why’re you sharing your food?”</p><p>Derek shrugs, “I don’t want to eat it, anyway.”</p><p>Stiles sighs and digs in, a  moment later, Cora walks up and grabs the other burger. It might be out of pity but, he’s gotten a great burger.</p><p>Stiles talks through a mouthful, “Thanks a lot, man.”</p><p>Derek scowls, “Don’t talk with your mouth full.”</p><p>Cora nudges him in the ribcage, “Don’t get after the kid, he isn’t your sibling.”</p><p>Derek elbows her back, “But you are my little sister, so shut up. Eat your food and then maybe you can talk.”</p><p>Cora rolls her eyes and theatrically takes a big bite out of her burger.</p><p>Derek shakes his head at Stiles, “You know, after seeing you on the show, I’m kind of okay with the comment you made about the teen choice awards. You’re really bad at social interactions.”</p><p>Stiles sighs gratefully. In all the stupid Matt Walsh stuff he’d totally forgotten about his conversation with Derek before the show. </p><p> </p><p>oOo</p><p> </p><p>Surprisingly, Stiles finishes his burger pretty quickly. Somehow, talking on the show tried him out, even though being a motormouth usually doesn’t affect his eating habits. </p><p>When they’ve wiped their hands on the grease paper, Derek clears his throat, “I know a few places you’d like to go to in London.”</p><p>Stiles smiles at the man, “Don’t worry, dude. You don’t have to take me out just because you feel sad for me.”</p><p>Derek shakes his head sincerely and aggressively, it looks like something a wet dog would do, “No, I d- It isn’t about that. I just want to hang out? Maybe we can go to the museum and then grab dinner, whenever you’re free?”</p><p>Stiles thinks about it. He does have a packed schedule for promotions, but Derek Hale wants to hang out with him. </p><p>“Sure, but let me just check with Lydia once.”</p><p>He pulls his phone out of his pocket and switches it on. There are five messages and 3 calls from Lydia. Stiles physically cringes, he forgot to tell her where he was. </p><p> </p><p>When she picks up his call, Lydia starts whispering furiously, “Where the hell are you? I’ve been trying to get a meeting with Matt. Where the hell are you?”</p><p>Stiles sighs, “I’m in Derek Hale’s room. I’ll be there in a moment, just tell me, when will these interviews end?”</p><p>Lydia replies, “Tomorrow afternoon. You can have a late-night then because we take the afternoon plane back to New York.”</p><p>Stiles nods, “Right. I’ll be right there.”</p><p> </p><p>He drops the call and looks up at Derek’s hopeful face, “I- I’m free tomorrow night. Here’s my number, let me know where we need to meet up.”</p><p>Derek nods as he takes down Stiles’ number and Stiles walks out. </p><p> </p><p>Derek asks just as Stiles is about to close the door behind him, “Stiles?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“It’s a date right?”</p><p>Stiles nods, “Yeah, sure! Of course!”</p><p>Stiles walks out of the room with a spring in his step, it doesn’t even care that he has to chat up with Matt so that Lydia can get his signature. </p><p> </p><p>oOo</p><p> </p><p>Stiles decides, that museums are the best places for dates on a late Friday night. Neither of them gets harassed or even noticed by the largely senior crowd which is far more interested in the displays at the museum. </p><p>As soon as they get out to the museum, they pull their caps down and pop their collars. Derek grabs his gloved hand as they make their way through the crowded streets of London.  </p><p>Finally, they land up in some hole-in-the-wall pub where the people are too drunk to recognise them. It’s a good respite from the cold wind that’s blowing through the streets. </p><p>Derek places orders for both of them when Stiles admits to not knowing anything about the food. <br/><br/></p><p>They talk a lot between mouthfuls of the delicious pie and french fries. Stiles notices a change in Derek’s mood when the T.V. catches his eye. </p><p>Derek smirks at Stiles and wipes his mouth on a paper napkin before saying, “You know, the show might just be airing right now.” </p><p>Stiles groans, “Dude, nooo.” <br/><br/>Derek rolls his eyes theatrically, “Don’t call me dude.” <br/><br/></p><p>Stiles smiles, “So what do you want to be called?”</p><p>Derek blushes and shrugs, “Boyfriend?”</p><p>Stiles smiles wider and wiggles his eyebrows, “What if I don’t want to? Will you put those cringey photos of me online?” Derek had taken multiple photos of him wearing the google-eyed dinosaur masks that the gift shop of the museum sold. </p><p> </p><p>Derek becomes serious suddenly and grabs his hand on the table, “I’m not going to do that. I didn’t mean to make you feel pressured. You don’t need to do this.”</p><p>Stiles turns his hand over and grabs Derek’s hand, their palms touching, “I’m not feeling pressured. This is great! I’m having a lot of fun with my boyfriend.”</p><p> </p><p>Derek smiles and squeezes his hand back, “You know what I’d love?”</p><p>Stiles bites his lip. Is Derek going to ask for a kiss?</p><p>Derek smiles at him devilishly and says, “To see my boyfriend on the T.V.” He laughs uproariously at Stiles’ irritated expression, “Oh, you adorable man, your face was so cute just then!”</p><p> </p><p>Stiles rolls his eyes but gestures for Derek to get a move on. Derek walks over to the bar and asks the bartender for the remote. </p><p>He switches the channel till Graham Norton’s face pops up on the tiny little screen of the old T.V.</p><p>Derek walks back over to him. Stiles sighs, “I don’t know why we’re watching this.”</p><p>Derek shrugs, “Aren’t you interested in seeing which answer they keep on the show?” He furrows his eyebrows, “I just wish we could hear the T.V. though.”</p><p>Stiles groans dramatically, “It doesn’t matter. I’m getting embarrassed either way.”</p><p>Derek laughs and shakes his head but doesn’t say anything else. Till Graham’s monologue winds down,  they entertain themselves by making up stories about the different people who are passed out in the different seats around them. </p><p>In the end, they’re never really able to make out which clip the show uses, but Stiles doesn’t care either way.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Kudos and Comments are appreciated.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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